Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Success! We fucked roommates!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
