Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
