Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
