The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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