Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
