We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
