Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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