he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
