and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
