i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So much rum. So many feels.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
