That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
