she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
