At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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