Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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