FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
