I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
