come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
