You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
