you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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