If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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