I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize