....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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