Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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