Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth

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  (212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro (630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth http://tfl.nu/vvtz
  Replies (34) Good night (1222) Bad night (2671)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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  (501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr
  Replies (15) Good night (1896) Bad night (2405)
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  (310): View more from California

  you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.

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  (310): you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday. http://tfl.nu/y9g2
  Replies (6) Good night (3513) Bad night (605)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

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  (860): Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day. http://tfl.nu/g1ig
  Replies (15) Good night (4622) Bad night (1053)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...

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  (503): I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me... http://tfl.nu/6tu6
  Replies (21) Good night (6471) Bad night (795)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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  (662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20
  Replies (26) Good night (1943) Bad night (4214)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

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  (903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4731) Bad night (873)
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  (559): View more from California

  He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.

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  (559): He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed. http://tfl.nu/q245
  Replies (14) Good night (1850) Bad night (1410)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?

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  (416): Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it? http://tfl.nu/zi0h
  Replies (6) Good night (3766) Bad night (1143)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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  (248): So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis." http://tfl.nu/nekp
  Replies (5) Good night (2734) Bad night (867)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.

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  (503): I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken. http://tfl.nu/j72e
  Replies (6) Good night (878) Bad night (1662)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

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  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4750) Bad night (770)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.

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  (520): He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down. http://tfl.nu/0sgk
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (322)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far

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  (301): literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far http://tfl.nu/z1xz
  Replies (5) Good night (592) Bad night (319)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (708): I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/dqby
  Replies (2) Good night (392) Bad night (336)

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