We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!