I'm going to jail i love you
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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