Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.

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  (609): No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/h1fn
  Replies (10) Good night (2844) Bad night (790)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7270) Bad night (960)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.

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  (214): Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent. http://tfl.nu/dqjd
  Replies (36) Good night (6206) Bad night (581)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.

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  (814): We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation. http://tfl.nu/gj2w
  Replies (17) Good night (4239) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

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  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (6402) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?

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  (412): At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks? http://tfl.nu/fbfw
  Replies (8) Good night (1316) Bad night (2913)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

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  (920): It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo http://tfl.nu/s2q1
  Replies (2) Good night (1184) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.

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  (202): My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about. (202): Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ. http://tfl.nu/wtju
  Replies (7) Good night (3140) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

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  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2475) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.

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  (845): Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible. http://tfl.nu/r0ag
  Replies (6) Good night (894) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I need a burrito and a hug.

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  (928): I need a burrito and a hug. http://tfl.nu/ezdk
  Replies (12) Good night (1381) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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  (615): All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me. http://tfl.nu/gv89
  Replies (2) Good night (846) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs

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  (313): I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs http://tfl.nu/01r5
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by

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  (518): How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by http://tfl.nu/853j
  Replies (6) Good night (585) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.

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  (717): So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA. http://tfl.nu/qkjv
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (555)

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