dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
