i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
