he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
