wake up i wanna do it froggy style
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.