Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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