I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.