don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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