Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
