awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
