If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
