Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
