weddingsv make me drug and hornr
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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