i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize