What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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