Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?