There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.