I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.