One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD