Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed

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  (937): fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed http://tfl.nu/6ylq
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (905)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.

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  (201): My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms. http://tfl.nu/tth4
  Replies (6) Good night (770) Bad night (2794)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

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  (714): 20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!" http://tfl.nu/w8i5
  Replies (33) Good night (5896) Bad night (1098)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.

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  (203): doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student. http://tfl.nu/a880
  Replies (55) Good night (2022) Bad night (7740)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.

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  (219): I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window. http://tfl.nu/kuhj
  Replies (6) Good night (1074) Bad night (2936)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?

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  (+61): i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/33o5
  Replies (7) Good night (2881) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  oh and then you called a time out with your penis

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  (970): oh and then you called a time out with your penis http://tfl.nu/pj7g
  Replies (8) Good night (2123) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...

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  (570): Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays... http://tfl.nu/ogn4
  Replies (10) Good night (2289) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?

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  (360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh
  Replies (22) Good night (943) Bad night (3026)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine

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  (517): Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet. (1-517): Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine http://tfl.nu/xagy
  Replies (3) Good night (1181) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Are sex swings allowed in dorms

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  (925): Are sex swings allowed in dorms http://tfl.nu/achv
  Replies (7) Good night (1083) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.

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  (501): Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick. http://tfl.nu/s37k
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.

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  (919): I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water. http://tfl.nu/3pkl
  Replies (1) Good night (820) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes

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  (210): hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes http://tfl.nu/7n4w
  Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.

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  (267): No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/rx6k
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (565)

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