You're my little dorito
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
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The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch