Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear