Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water