your parents love me but you hate me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
