In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
