he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
