Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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