i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
