It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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