She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
