you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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