why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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