They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In America we eat man semen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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