My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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