wakey wakey hands off snakey
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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