She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
