Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
