So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
