i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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