Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
