woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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