i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Girls should come with a carfax report
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
