WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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