last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
