The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
