You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
