Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
