i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
