You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
