Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
