Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
