eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
