I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
