He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
