I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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