No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
