Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
