He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
