ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
