You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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