Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
