if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
