Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she smelled like a LAN party
I intend to get homeless drunk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
