jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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