Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
