I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
