Tell her she can't have a vagina
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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