she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
